“Underworld” opens with a voiceover narration provided by a vampire named Selene (Kate Beckinsale), who spends the entire film in a skintight black leather suit. She tells us that, for centuries, a war has raged between vampires and lycans, her word for werewolves. She goes on to say that she is a Death Dealer, whose sole purpose is tracking down and exterminating lycans like so many roaches. We then watch her as she follows a group of men into a subway station; the situation quickly deteriorates into a full blown shootout and stunt spectacular, and in the blur of bullets and creature transformations and midair flip-flops, I immediately I lost track of who was what creature. I did, however, notice that certain areas of the station seemed packed with innocent bystanders while others were conveniently deserted. Nevertheless, a train sped by in a flash of chrome and light.

That’s sort of how the whole film works. It bombards us with a lot of spectacle but rarely stops to explain what it is we’re looking at. When explanations are given, we’re left with even more questions, for they seem to have been provided not for the sake of clarity but purely out of tradition. It’s populated by characters that enter every scene and speak every line as if unsure of their purpose, apart from being supernatural beings in an action thriller. Yes, we’re given the foundation that a war has been going on, but that’s about it. For the most part, we’re left to wander along aimlessly and search for some scrap of meaning, some hint of reasoning. What little we find we desperately cling to, for they remain our only hope in figuring out what the hell is going on.

What I can say is that “Underworld” is an incredibly good-looking film. Not a ray of sunshine is seen in any of its two hours; it takes place in a world of shadows, moonlight, gray clouds, lightning, and rain. Oh boy, but does it rain a lot in this film. Every single approach to the gate of the vampire’s sprawling gothic manor depicts a torrential downpour, which is funny since the scenes immediately following those shots will indicate that it isn’t raining at all. The interior of the manor is elegant and ornate – a romanticized vision of gray masonry, red tapestries, and rich woods. Every other location is dank, grungy, and miraculously abandoned. Many of those are labyrinthine ruins consisting of fallen concrete pillars, crumbled stone walls, dangling chains, and leaky roofs, beneath which lie stagnant pools of muddy water.

Although the license plates of all the cars are distinctly European, the film does not seem to take place in any particular city. Everyone speaks English, and yet there’s a noticeable blend of accents. On the same token, it doesn’t seem to be set in any particular time; despite their gothic abode and their occasional appearance in formal attire, the vampires are modernized to the degree that they use computers, surveillance cameras, and futuristic weapons like guns loaded with silver-filled bullets. The lycans, on the other hand, live like animals either in the sewer or the subway (I honestly don’t remember which). Both species have access to medical labs which, true to form for a horror story, are situated in filthy rooms with barren walls and intimidating florescent lights. The lycans take the cliché one step further by utilizing a mad scientist who seems to be channeling the worst Peter Lorre impersonator.

What is the point of establishing atmosphere when it can’t be applied to a story we can make sense of? Selene is keeping tabs on a human named Michael (Scott Speedman), who’s eagerly being pursued by the lycans, specifically by their mysterious leader (Michael Sheen), who seems to have a plan in the works. The more Selene tries to discover how Michael and the lycans are connected, the more her superior, the perpetually angry Kraven (Shane Brolly), urges her to drop the matter. She then begins to sense a conspiracy, which I think had something to do with a legendary ancient battle between the vampires and a lycan named Lucian. Looking for guidance, she awakens a vampire elder named Viktor (Bill Nighy), who has been in hibernation as a withering husk. All will lead to a fight to the finish in another ruined location, where more inexplicable secrets will be revealed.

There was no reason for director Len Wiseman and screenwriter Danny McBride to make this movie so confusing. It seems the more they try to explain, the less sense their story makes. Since they spent so much time on the look, perhaps their real focus should have been Beckinsale, who never quite becomes the masturbatory fantasy one would expect her to be. Her black hair is always wet and matted. Her brow is permanently frozen into disapproval. Never once does she crack a smile, and rarely does she give us a glimpse of her pearly white fangs. I grant you that the mood of “Underworld” is somber, but gee whiz, surely there must be an occasion to laugh at some point. If I were in her place, I would have waited for the moment when Speedman’s character decided on a whim to be provocative and attempt to steal a kiss. Oh, how I would have laughed!

- Chris Pandolfi

 

Click HERE to read the review of Underworld: Evolution (2006)

Click HERE to read the review of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)

Click HERE to read the review of Underworld: Awakening (2012)

 

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