As I watched “Diary of a Wimpy Kid,” I kept thinking back to my own middle school days and eventually realized that none of them were being depicted accurately. This goes beyond a mere sequence of events; the attitudes, emotions, and behaviors expressed by these kids – and the adults, for that matter – are not based in reality, at least not the reality I’ve been a part of. Maybe I was lucky. Or maybe the filmmakers didn’t have a clue. Whatever the case, “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” exists on a channel outside my range of communication. I wasn’t entertained by the characters, I didn’t find any of the situations relatable, and I never laughed or even chuckled, although I did smile with satisfaction when the drama teacher auditioned her students with “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” my favorite song.
 
Part of the problem is that the title character, whose name is actually Greg Heffley (Zachary Gordon), is in fact not wimpy. Unfortunate, maybe; ever since entering middle school, he often finds himself in very humiliating and/or dangerous situations, not the least of which is ending up on the front page of the school newspaper after being beaten by a girl in wrestling. Her name is Patty Farrell (Laine MacNeil), and she’s loud, bossy, aggressive, and just plain mean. Greg sometimes has to ward off Fregley (Grayson Russell), a kid so weird, disgusting, and nerdy that it’s a wonder he isn’t hanging by the elastic strap of his underwear everyday at lunch. Because he’s unaware of his weirdness, because he doesn’t worry about impressing those around him, he may be the happiest kid in the whole school.
 
Should I have felt sorry for Greg? I assume I was supposed to, although I found it difficult, probably because most of his problems were brought on by no one other than himself. They stem, naturally, from the idea that one must be popular in order to survive middle school. He periodically shares his thoughts and feelings via a diary (although he insists it’s actually a journal) and a series of hand drawn cartoons, and they slowly reveal a kid that isn’t as likable as he initially seemed.

A major source of embarrassment for him is his best friend, Rowley Jefferson (Robert Capron), a chubby, innocent, socially awkward boy who doesn’t seem ready to grow up. How much does Greg like Rowley? “Maybe I can fix him,” he writes in his journal, “because that’s the kind of friend I am.” Nice. But the joke’s on Greg; his hurtful actions only help Rowley become more popular, especially with girls.
 
Meanwhile, back at home, Greg has to put up with an embarrassing mom (Rachael Harris), a clueless dad (Steve Zahn), an annoying baby brother (Conner and Owen Fielding), and Rodrick, his older brother (Devon Bostick), who does whatever he can to make Greg’s life a living hell. There are a few scenes in which he gives Greg advice about surviving middle school, which include not talking to anyone, not sitting next to anyone, and not getting involved in extracurricular activities. Interesting, I thought – he may be trying to spare Greg the hardships he went through in middle school, and his bullying is just his way of toughening the kid up. Could it be? A complex character I could actually invest in? Alas, no. Rodrick is a jerk, plain and simple.
 
I’ve often complained about movies that do more to deaden a child’s imagination than ignite it. “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” does something just as bad: It makes children laugh not through genuinely funny situations, but simply by being gross. By the end of the film, we will have witnessed a booger smeared on a piece of paper, a fart aimed directly at a kid’s head, and someone getting peed on. And let us not forget a running gag about a school legend known as the Cheese Touch, which involves a slice of Swiss that has been left to rot on the Basketball court for who knows how long.
 
The movie is directed by Thor Freudenthal, who a year ago helmed the equally ridiculous “Hotel for Dogs.” It’s also based on the book by Jeff Kinney, which, I admit, I haven’t read. Does this mean I was unprepared to review the film? I don’t think so; it’s not a question of being faithful to the source material but of how it resonates with an audience. As hard as I try, I can’t imagine anyone relating to this story. There is no truth in it, not even on an emotional level. It’s a strange and ugly experience, and it perpetuates a sense of humor that appeals to the lowest common denominator. For a truly resonant film about adolescence and those difficult periods of adjustment, I recommend you log onto Netflix and order a copy of “Where the Wild Things Are.”

- Chris Pandolfi

 

Click HERE to read Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011)

 

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