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Howard the Duck provides
lots of quacking, fluster and commotion, but no entertainment. What
an embarrassment for filmmaking. Two hours is two hours too long
to watch a little guy in a duck suit run around doing unexciting
things and blabbering aimlessly. In what duck-filled galaxy would
this have been deemed a suitable use of money, time or effort?
Wild-haired Beverly (Lea Thompson) supports herself by playing
grungy gigs with her band The Cherry Bombs. One dark and humid
night, as she’s being accosted by hostile fans, alien duck
creature Howard comes to her rescue, having recently and unexplainably
been transported across several galaxies to Cleveland. Phil (Tim
Robbins in perhaps his worst role) is an eccentric mad-scientist
museum lab assistant who is determined to help Howard return to
his world. Getting a job is Howard’s first concern, and
then watching out for the newly opened duck hunting season. Dr.
Walter Jenning (Jeffrey Jones, the principle from Ferris Bueller’s
Day Off) is the lead scientist who may be able to help Howard
go home. |
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With the noirish music
and serene apartment setting for the opening scene, Howard the Duck
is going for realism, provided you can accept a man in a giant duck
suit. In this alternate world, overgrown plastic and rubbery duck
people are the inhabitants and fabric of everyday life. That is
until Howard is sucked through a cosmic portal that transports him
to Earth. “I’m a dead duck,” he remarks. Ties
and suits are still fashionable for ducks, and Howard is a typical,
Chauvinistic, beer drinking, med school dropout who decided to educate
himself on the streets. Everything has a very ridiculous “duck”
twist, replacing pictures and words with ducks, mallards, and more,
including movie posters, magazines, credit cards and the dollar
bill, among others.
Based on Steve Gerber’s comic book character, Howard the Duck’s antagonist is the nonsensical Dark Overlord of the universe, along with the cops, who have a low tolerance for wisecracking ducks. The conflict and all of the action scenes are anti-climactic. The film also includes lots of 80s music to despise, especially as it pops up constantly, while the score by John Barry never emphasizes the adventure, instead blending into the background unnoticeably. Some surprising duck nudity (with relatively human breasts) is briefly shown, along with an almost-sex scene with the duck that shouldn’t (or should) be missed. There simply isn’t anything in the movie to praise. The dialogue is painfully cheesy, and in a single one-minute sequence, the filmmakers parody lines from Casablanca and On the Waterfront. Every joke is flat, every gag is completely humorless. This might have worked a little better as a cartoon, but probably not. - Mike Massie |