The Bikini Carwash Company (1992)
The Bikini Carwash Company (1992)

Genre: Comedy Running Time: 1 hr. 27 min.

Release Date: June 17th, 1992 MPAA Rating: R

Director: Ed Hansen Actors: Joe Dusic, Kristi Ducati, Rikki Brando, Suzanne Brown, Neriah Napaul, Brook Lynn Page, Landon Hall, Suzanne Ager

 


 

A

man in a business suit nearly ambles directly into the water as he asks surfers and other beach-going bystanders where to find the Sunshine Car Wash. The dimwitted man, Jack McCowan (Joe Dusic), is on summer vacation from Iowa, and hopes to manage his uncle Elmer’s (Michael Wright) company for the next few months, but he’s having difficulty locating the building – which, for some unexplained reason, he believes is situated on a beach near Los Angeles. “Get away from me and my tits, you freak!” cries a big-bosomed sun-tanner who isn’t falling for Jack’s “lost kid” routine.

McCowan even queries a flasher, just as the stocking-headed, trench-coated man unveils his privates. Fortunately, Jack stumbles upon a bevy of bikini babes, led by Melissa Reese (Kristi Ducati), whose edible swimwear business aspirations melted before they even got going. She gives him directions, and also arranges a date on the beach later that night. He thinks she’s working with Girl Scouts, but she’s hopeful that he’ll give her a cut of the profits for a novel idea: Melissa and her troupe of shapely girls will work at the car wash, wearing incredibly revealing swimsuits, to generate a huge influx of customers. It’s certainly more enticing than having his regular, paunchy male employees dress like clowns.

In between random footage of cars being washed are plenty of shots of naked or nearly naked women. Random sex scenes, tops getting pulled off or untied (one of the beach bums tricks the girls into giving up their bikinis for use as fishing tools), a van full of strippers, the girls doing stretches and squirting themselves with water bottles and sopping sponges, and even one of them buffing windows with her heaving breasts, compose but a few of the sequences, all of which are wholly gratuitous. The film is comprised mainly of montages, which never fail to include spontaneous nudity; as far as comedic skin flicks of the ‘90s go, “Bikini Carwash Company” just might be the most revealing.

Eventually, a hint of conflict arises when Assistant District Attorney Donovan Drake (Matthew Cory Dunn) and a police officer show up to harass the business over the girls’ improper attire – and a lack of fire extinguishers. Apparently, numerous wrecks have been caused due to the distracting nature of unclad, bouncing bosoms. Quite conveniently, Melissa has a tough attorney (Kimberly Bee) virtually on speed dial (despite no one possessing cell phones) – one who can appear on the lot within a matter of seconds to thwart the legal complications.

The story, of course, doesn’t really matter. It’s merely an excuse to transition from one stripteasing sequence to the next – a few of which take place seemingly during time off, when there aren’t any vehicles to hose down. Oddly, as if ripping off “American Graffiti,” there’s also a radio station DJ (from Renegade Rock) chiming in every so often to play music, conduct interviews, and take phone calls. Although the perpetual display of flesh is spot-on for the target audience, the scripting tends to disrupt the entertainment value, while the amateurish editing (as if an MTV commercial, teeming with cheesy swish pans) further makes the picture a Z-grade affair. It’s not high art, but it’s certainly effective as a softcore midnight movie (even the final montage – a lengthy scene prior to the closing credits – features the girls stripping and pouring water on themselves, just for some extra fondling and nakedness).

– Mike Massie

  • 5/10