do with a mask what I can’t do with a badge.” Black-costumed vigilante Black Scorpion, whose real identity is current police detective Darcy Walker (Joan Severance) of the City of Angels’ 21st precinct, is still wanted by the authorities. But when they’re unable to stop some drugged-up jewelry heisters, the mysterious superhero swoops in to blow up their getaway car – a rather unceremonious murder, even if they’re crooks. “I guess crime just doesn’t pay anymore.”

The next day at the office, Darcy receives a gift suspected to be an explosive device, which allows a fake bomb squad to enter the building to steal cash from a vault, set aside for a sting. The go-to culprit is surely Gangster Prankster (Stoney Jackson), a pitiful cross between Batman’s Joker and Two-Face – a cackling goofball with clown makeup on half of his visage. And he even has a girlfriend sidekick named Giggles (Jeannie Millar) and jester-like henchmen. This particular baddie was also the leader of Argyle’s (Garrett Morris) old gang. But there are a couple of new threats in town as well, including bookish Professor Ursula Undershaft (Sherrie Rose), the world’s leading seismologist, who invents the echo wave generator to stop earthquake aftershocks forever; and a corrupt mayor, who sees the value in continued destruction across the city.

A couple of characters from the previous film return (including a former prostitute and the police captain), while the plot picks up almost immediately after the events from before, making this endeavor a very fitting follow-up. That doesn’t, however, mean it’s any good. Far too many comic-relief roles enter the frame, causing the tone to remain silly and comical throughout; though the original wasn’t very serious, this one is continuously absurd – from two goons who speak in unison to Argyle’s unrealistic social life to Darcy’s oblivious coworker Detective Rick (Whip Hubley) – who can’t seem to realize how similar she looks to the Black Scorpion, perhaps because he has Darcy’s panties wrapped around his head during a key moment. Inexplicably, Hubley is meant to be portraying the same love interest, Michael Russo, from the ’95 picture (as evidenced by the end credits), but his name in the script has been changed.

As a result, even the few stunt sequences can’t be enjoyed, nor can the villains, who are even less sincere when decked out in skin-tight, shiny leather costumes (and nemesis Aftershock’s signature move is to electrocute her victim’s testicles). The point, however, is mostly to accentuate cleavages in all scenarios; hand-to-hand combat is still terribly unconvincing and edited choppily to conceal just how amateurish the choreography is (even shootouts are stylized to the point of distraction, and cartoonish sound effects augment Gangster Prankster’s every action), while gratuitous nudity crops up just to check boxes. Ultimately, the whole production appears to be copying the ’60s Batman series rather than Tim Burton’s much darker vision – which a low-budget knock-off ought to aspire to. Of modest interest is the use of vibranium in Aftershock’s earthquake device, lifted from Marvel’s universe, and the unexpectedly bloody demise of a rival. But the bulk of this sequel is so shoddily made, ridiculously scripted, and poorly acted that it can barely be considered entertainment. “You always look like a joke to me.”

– Mike Massie