t is said that the person who holds the Spear of Destiny controls the fate of the world. But it has been missing since the end of WWII, lost among the many relics stolen by the Nazis. In present day Mexico, the artifact is fortuitously uncovered, granting exceptional power to its wielder. Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, Father Hennessy (Pruitt Taylor Vince) reluctantly agrees to call in John Constantine (Keanu Reeves) for a particularly challenging exorcism ritual, as a young woman is possessed by a nasty demon. Constantine is no amateur, specializing in cutting-edge demonology; despite the myriad dangers, he has a way with communicating with supernatural evils and banishing them from the earthly realm.

It isn’t immediately explained how or why he has such skills, nor is it explained exactly what the limitations are for this specific vision of Earth. Audiences are supposed to just accept the existence of preternatural capabilities and activities and devices – considering that this is a dark fantasy adaptation of a Vertigo graphic novel. Bizarrely, this means that it’s somewhat meaningless when Constantine is diagnosed with aggressive lung cancer – an extremely grounded predicament for a man who can battle the unearthly soldiers of Hell.

“I never asked to see. I was born with this curse.” As it turns out, John is in regular contact with halfbreed angels and other unnatural entities, as he can see spirits and monstrosities that shouldn’t exist in his plane. And he exorcises demons in an attempt to redeem his soul, to buy his way into Heaven. That power causes him to cross paths with Detective Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz), whose twin sister recently committed suicide – a suspicious incident that requires further investigation.

As Constantine navigates various confrontations with creatures from the beyond, the film is riddled with minor jump scares, eccentric characters (played by recognizable actors like Tilda Swinton, Djimon Hounsou, and Peter Stormare, as well as an odd appearance by musician Gavin Rossdale), and an obvious comic-relief sidekick (in the vein of Tonto or Robin) in the form of young taxi driver Chas (Shia LaBeouf). As if written to be a series of random encounters by demonic hellions, Constantine proceeds to have mini-adventures with the occult, each one stranger and stranger and more abstract; it’s evident that his story isn’t supposed to be terribly cohesive to viewers unfamiliar with the source material. “This is crazy.”

Since the various goings-on are abnormal, puzzling, metaphysical, and embellished by dated computer graphics, it’s difficult to get too wrapped up in the plot. There aren’t a lot of well-defined rules; just about anything can happen. Resultantly, the mysteries aren’t absorbing, made more trivial by the routine disbelief he endures, even after people witness the impossible. At least the commentary on religion is amusing, crafting a mythological fable that pits good against evil in a game of sporting oneupmanship. “God’s a kid with an ant farm.” But without a straightforward design for how to deal with the devil, this film feels as if it’s making things up as it goes, with Constantine getting a few action scenes, a few wisecracks, and a light romance for basically no reason at all. When the characters and their relationships are so badly arranged, their trials and tribulations are not just hollow but also dull. And with an overlong runtime, all of the demon slaying and exorcism rites border on boring. “They have bibles in Hell?”

– Mike Massie