reckless life is the only life worth living.” A group of college buddies head to Lake Sobek for five days of spring break relaxation and flirtation – as well as plenty of drinking. Romantic couple Brady (Mark McLachlan) and Claire (Caitlin Martin), who’ve been attending different schools, are excited to finally spend some time together, much to the chagrin of Sunny (Sommer Knight), who wanted to get closer to Brady herself. Meanwhile, rowdy pal Duncan (Chris Solari) just wants to have fun, alongside Kit (Doug Reiser) – who orchestrated the trip – and fellow partiers Annabelle (Julie Mintz), Foster (Rhett Wilkins), and Hubs (Greg Wayne). Body shots and dancing on the roof of the houseboat initiate the festivities, followed by a campfire retelling of urban legends – most importantly, one about a pet Egyptian crocodile dubbed “The Flat Dog” that stalks the surrounding marshland.

It doesn’t take long before the titular reptile strikes – in typical horror-movie fashion. Little of the monster is shown, supplemented generously by spurts of blood, victims thrashing about in panic, screeches of fear, and throaty roars from the attacker. And these standard gimmicks are further aided by ominous music cues, false alarms of Duncan pretending to be in danger, and croc-cam perspectives as the reptile scampers along the ground from a low angle.

Sadly, after the first ambush, the script attempts to humanize the cookie-cutter adolescents through tremendously unconvincing love patter and drunken chatter, including a moment of boyfriend/girlfriend drama. This unnecessary complication, which undoubtedly does nothing to generate sympathy for such bland personas, mostly just draws out the time before the creature’s next meal (a supporting character, gator farmer Shurkin, achieves development through filthiness, scars, and spitting chicken juice as if he were chewing tobacco). Indeed, the next human snack isn’t much of a scene, relying too much on a jump scare and computer-augmented obfuscation.

“She’s on a rampage.” Though there’s an animatronic behemoth utilized in rare sequences, the bulk of the onslaughts employ a mere scaly tale appendage – or reactionary glimpses of flinching dupes, or, worst of all, a completely computer-animated mess of outrageously unconvincing inferiority. And when the full-body puppet does arrive, it’s notably rigid and plastic-like. Nevertheless, it’s downright hilarious when a character goes to great lengths to go from swinging an axe at the beast to carefully positioning his body between the jaws of the monstrosity, orchestrating an overreaching death scene. Virtually all of the demises are unintentionally funny. That’s not enough, however, to compose an entertaining killer-animal flick; “Crocodile” is simply too uninspired and pitifully conceived to be redeemable – something mildly surprising from director Tobe Hooper, who first made his mark with 1974’s “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.”

– Mike Massie