Spiders 3D (2013)
Spiders 3D (2013)

Genre: Sci-Fi Horror Running Time: 1 hr. 29 min.

Release Date: February 8th, 2013 MPAA Rating: PG-13

Director: Tibor Takacs Actors: Patrick Muldoon, Christa Campbell, William Hope, Jon Mack, Sydney Sweeney, Christian Contreras, Vincenzo Nicoli, Shelly Varod, Sarah Brown

 


 

W

hen a meteor shower tears pieces away from a Soviet Union satellite infested with scientific spiders, debris is hurdled toward Earth. It’s then up to a New York Trans subway control crew to investigate the smoking chunks of metal buried amid the rails. When Jimmy (Atanas Srebrev) probes the crumbled bits of space modules, he’s bitten by an unnoticeable spider, causing him to lose consciousness, fall, and get fatally electrocuted. Transit Authority leader Jason Cole (Patrick Muldoon) can’t believe that his friend, with so many years of experience, could have been so careless.

An autopsy reveals that an insect (or a spider) laid eggs inside Jimmy’s body (a foreign host). Fortunately, Jason’s ex-wife Rachel (Christa Campbell) works for the Health Department, giving him inside access to official analysis. But before the jellylike orbs can be tested, Jason and pal Caz (Vincenzo Nikoli) discover the spider’s nest deep inside the subway tunnels, where numerous bums have become cocooned by the overzealous arachnids. With the casualties piling up, a quarantine zone is erected around the Noble Street Station to facilitate martial law, specifically since the U.S. military wants control over a potential bioweapon – the queen spider, which can produce an ultra strong web.

It’s fun to see William Hope from “Aliens” again playing a soldier in a science-fiction, alien infestation premise (here as Colonel Jenkins), where training and weapons can’t prepare the grunts for such a destructive outbreak. A conspiracy surrounding the weaponization of the creatures also exists, putting unsuspecting lives at stake, and a forklift chase scene substitutes for the Power Loader. With this subplot, writer Boaz Davidson (“Disaster,” “Alien Hunter,” “Alien Lockdown”) gets to include some of his favorite motifs – including action scenes and crime drama mixed into the monster movie cliches (themselves including random, mutilated corpses and sudden violence). Sadly, the script also throws in obligatory familial melodrama, such as Jason missing his daughter’s birthday, and his efforts to rekindle a romance with his ex-wife, all while it borrows concepts from “Arachnophobia,” “Jurassic Park,” “Godzilla,” and “Cloverfield.”

“The government’s lying to you!” Although the dialogue is terribly generic, the jump scares are predictable, and the gore effects are unconvincing, the cast approaches everything with the greatest amount of seriousness they can muster. So even though the film is generally ridiculous, the actors refuse to make a joke of their involvement. Also admirable are the set designs, which provide amusing battlegrounds and labyrinths for fleeing and fighting. But the biggest detractor for this low-budget thriller is the computer animation, which is woefully amateurish. Part of its excuse is that the spiders are extraterrestrial monsters, but they’re too large and cumbersome to appear even remotely realistic (ignoring, of course, their roaring faces and toothy maws), while their nimble movements fail to accurately denote their considerable mass and weight. Plus, their eight-legged gait looks very off, as if the animators didn’t bother to research real spiders for precise emulation.

– Mike Massie

  • 2/10