Genre: Horror Comedy Running Time: 1 hr. 35 min.
Release Date: October 23rd, 2005 MPAA Rating: R
Director: John Gulager Actors: Balthazar Getty, Krista Allen, Navi Rawat, Jenny Wade, Judah Friedlander, Josh Zuckerman, Jason Mewes, Clu Gulager, Henry Rollins
ozo (Balthazar Getty) has a limited life expectancy, especially when it comes to existing in a bad horror movie set in and around a dirty bar on the outskirts of civilization. Coach (Henry Rollins) is even more likely to die quickly. Jason Mewes makes an appearance as himself, having already exceeded any expectations for surviving in the realm of a fictional thriller. A random beer guy (Judah Friedlander) is both dorky and a loser, which makes him all set to be the first to go. And Hot Wheels (Josh Zuckerman) is in a wheelchair, so how could this movie possibly kill him off? Tuffy (Krista Allen) is the tough single mother, a Harley Mom (Diane Ayala Goldner) sitting at the bar is difficult to judge, and Honey Pie (Jenny Wade) is an aspiring actress/singer/model.
Fortunately, a Hero (Eric Dane) and a Heroine (Navi Rawat) also turn up. After they warn of the rapid approach of four vicious, man-eating creatures, all hell breaks loose, with the various patrons getting attacked, dismembered, ripped apart, or devoured whole. The dwindling survivors are forced into a standoff, pitted against the extraterrestrial butchers in a bloodthirsty contest to determine species superiority.
Every character is introduced with statistics – including a nickname, an occupation, additional details, and a life-expectancy timetable. “Feast” makes no qualms about its role as a spoof of bad horror movies, serving up stereotypical players in a goofy farce of slashers and creature features. Mocking itself and mocking its actors, “Feast” breaks down low-budget, hopelessly insincere, unintentionally funny, blood-‘n-guts pictures to present every expected, genre cliche in a wryly self-aware manner. And to mix things up, the characters specifically perish in the wrong order – hoping to create at least one unpredictable notion amidst the very routine formula.
Unfortunately, the movie isn’t as clever as it thinks it is. In its efforts to expose the comedic components of Z-grade gorefests, it employs far too many of those very techniques that classify it as poor quality (reminiscent of a less successful, less imaginative version of Peter Jackson’s “Dead Alive”). Overly brave actions, anticipated jump scares, rambling dialogue, faulty technology, and separated parties are just a few of the items that aren’t as funny as they are merely commonplace happenings in monster flicks. Additionally, all the fast cuts, jerky camera movements, loads of blood spraying onto the camera and into the face of the sexy blonde, severed limbs, rubbery puppets and prosthetics, and partial nudity are standard items of exploitation horror – not innovative twists on conventions. At least a few humorously failed motivational speeches, an inadvertent alien castration, the acknowledgement of too much time passing between deaths, and some extremely violent scenes of carnage are momentarily amusing. Plus, the monster designs are appropriately disgusting and uncomfortably sexual as they squirt green sputum at onlookers, engage in spontaneous mating and birthing, and go so far as to orally rape a victim. Even though “Feast” knows it’s a cheesy monster movie, that fact is not quite enough to transcend its scripting and construction as such.
– Mike Massie